June 8, 2012

• Disproportionate Anger at Inanimate Objects, Pt 1

  Posted by Sammy 2:30pm from Home

  Have you ever gotten into a fistfight with a garden hose? Roundhouse kicked a bucket? What about olympic style wrestling with a vine? Or a tree? I like to sum all of this up in a word: Tuesday. Yup. Except the bucket. That was a week or so ago. But you get the picture. Lots of people ask us how we are doing. While really breaking it down from emotion to emotion is complicated I suppose on the surface its less so. It pretty much goes like this:

  Theres a tumor. It wants to do bad things to Steph. That makes me angry. I hate it.

  There you go. Im angry. But I can’t take it out on the thing that is making me angry and I dont want to be angry to people (well maybe some people) especially not people who care about us. So what to do? Well when the garden hose refuses to wind properly, it has incurred my wrath. What I really am getting at is I find myself being angry over stupid stuff. I have to remind myself that iTunes not loading fast enough is not a global crisis. I keep finding myself going in circles not knowing what to do. Its a strange feeling of being mad, then wanting to go and do something to take my mind off of it but I have no clue what to do, where to go, whether I want company or solitude. Its just funky. Im sure its just a reaction. Processing every thing. Well it a stupid reaction and processing sucks. So does cancer in case I havent driven that nail into the ground yet. But Steph gets home today. Yay! So now I can bother her with my not knowing what to do. Or at the very least we can do some summer things together and enjoy her being home. This of course means I get to make a grocery run. But i have a list.

  See when I am home alone, the fridge is, well lets say a little Spartan. Its not to say that I dont eat healthy food or cook. I do. But I tend to go and buy that stuff when i need it. I dont make big grocery runs. So the fridge is used to maintain a steady supply of man-food on hand and other stuff I get as I need it. Well my own personal Mogwai is coming home and just like Gizmo, Steph has rules. Only difference is I can still feed her after midnight. But is important we keep her immune system up and running.

  This is what we want her immune system to do.

   

  Sadly without proper support this is what we end up with.

  So its off to the store with me to buy spinach for Popeye. Itll be nice to be home together. And starting the new drug will be an adventure. (We will discuss my feelings on the insurance/FDA situation another time). It supposed to turn her hair white, so thatll be fun. And in light of a friends Facebook comment that Im still laughing at…If this all works, but the chemo screws with her DNA enough to turn her hair white, Im not sure we can really rule out THIS:

   

  Until next time,

  Sammy

  • 3:14 pm
  • 1 Comment