March 30, 2013
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Resurrection
March 30, 2013 From Home
Easter. When I was a kid it meant eggs and candy and maybe a new toy and a slightly longer church service. When I was in high school it meant an early morning since the youth did the sunrise service. In college it meant extra cash from the palm Sunday and Easter gigs. And yet somehow as I’ve gotten older the true meaning behind the holiday has become closer to my heart. It has become something important to me and that could not be more true now. I wish that it meant Steph could come back to us and stay. But she visits, in whatever way you get to let those who love you know you are ok, she does that. And the true meaning of tomorrow morning, which is very not-lost on me, is that Stephanie is not only free from cancer but dancing eternally, bathed in love and light in an existence the mind cannot comprehend. Too many of us get theologically hung up on “youre not good enough” or “don’t make God mad”. The reality of tomorrow isn’t those things but everlasting love that not even death and suffering could break. Hmmm. Sounds familiar.
As I grew up in the church I always looked to draw parallels in my life scripture. Ive done it here too. One that dawned on my today was the story laid out in Revelation of 7 years of tribulations. See the 7 years involve all manner of unpleasantries. Yet they are eventually followed (and yes I know technically im skipping some things but roll with it) by all things being made new. There is a new heaven and a new earth. All the old is washed away. Its where we get the famous quote of “and He will wipe every tear from their eyes.” Seven years of tribulations. Really? Again, sounds familiar. Those seven years seemed to try to tear us apart. But it couldn’t. Cancer couldn’t, death couldn’t and me working to live on in Life 2.0, well that won’t either. It goes back to my last post. I may be a wrinkly old grandfather one day, who knows. But if I am I will still never stop loving Stephanie and I will carry an eternal loyalty to her and her legacy. But that doesn’t mean I stop living either. I mean after all it’s Live Give Love, not sit in sorrow in a darkened room and post sad comments to Facebook all day, Give Love right?
So here I sit on the eve of Resurrection day out of our own 7 years of tribulations carrying in my heart a love that not even death and suffering could break. Am I cursed or blessed? Blessed. One of the final lines of Les Miserables is “to love another person is to see the face of God.” If that is true, then I have to admit to being blessed. Im not sugar coating and acting like Im not angry she’s gone. I am. Every day, every hour. And please let me be clear; I live right now in the aftermath. I am surrounded by the trappings of what was supposed to be our “happily ever after.” So please don’t assume that I don’t feel it. Stephanie never made a public spectacle of her pain; she brought out her spark and light. Who am I as the caretaker of that legacy if I don’t do the same? Its what she taught me to do. You simply cannot celebrate a beautiful joyful light like her by parading despair. But as I have said over and over again: I HAVE A CHOICE! And I have to rejoice for Stephanie being in my life. And tomorrow I will rejoice for my faith telling me that even though I cannot see her, she lives. My childhood pastor told a sermon once on Easter and I never forgot it. He spoke of a small boy who was made fun of during a Sunday school Easter scavenger hunt for bringing back and empty egg to represent the real meaning of Easter. After much taunting he screams “I did to do it right, the egg is empty! The tomb was empty!” Tomorrow during the service on Easter Morning, I will be there to celebrate a beautiful person…the strongest I have ever known who is now in a place where she is free. I will rejoice that I was blessed to spend so much time with her and that I carry her with me forever until we meet again. Forget the cynicism and dark musings of this world. Happiness faith and joy aren’t too cliché for me. I choose life and light. I choose to live like Steph; to live give and love like she did. Oh, and John, if you are reading this, yes I will have an empty egg with me tomorrow morning.
Peace to you all
Sammy
